game timing out when joining friends private server

when attempting to join a pals private server the game will always time out after "connecting 5/5" this happens with the other who also tries to join, the host can host and join. the host had followed all info on all official and some unofficial sources to try and fix it, but alas none had the right solution. the only thing that could had maybe done anything is the game became unresponsive the night prior but it did successfully save.